Living with Real Intent when Life isn't What I Thought it Would Be

I know that my life most definitely hasn't turned out anything at all like I thought it would. But, thinking back on it, I'm not sure I ever had a clear plan after I turned 21.

When I was 8 years old, I decided that I wanted to be an attorney at law. Man, was I stoked about it! I loved going to the law office that my mom worked at and helping file or even better - using the shredder!!! Ha ha. I learned early on a lot about the law and how it works. I learned much about different types of law and different types of attorneys (and people for that matter). I loved everything about it.

In high school (go Wildcats! RHS woo!)I took AP History and AP Government so that I could get a jump start on my law career. I loved my classes and my teacher! (Mr. Player [yes that's his real name] you are a legend! Crab cakes!) I had decided then that my major in college would be Political Science. I still wanted to be an attorney, but they don't really have a "law" major. They kind of do, but that's more for people who want to go into things like becoming a policeman/correctional officer etc. At SUU (Go T-Birds!) I studied political science with an emphasis for international relations. I loved my French and Spanish and German classes too much to give those up completely. I had a great time. I learned so much and was all set!! I graduated one year early with a good GPA. I was set to go to law school!

So...why didn't I?
Five years later...I'm still not in law school. Yes, I do have my Bachelor's Degree of Science in Political Science (BS in PoliSci, ha ha!! That's funny) but I'm not an attorney.

And quite frankly I have no desire to go to law school anymore. I didn't take out any student loans for college, and I'm terrified to do so for law school. I also know that the first year of law school it's nearly impossible to have a job and complete your first year successfully. That scares me, because I am an adult and have rent and car payments and things that require me to work....so not working is pretty much not an option.

So, I'm bummed. I don't feel like I've accomplished much. I suppose I can go back to school later..if I want. I know many many attorneys that were teachers or paralegals before they went to law school, and they were quite older when they went. I could do that.

I guess what I'm getting at is: Life is not what I thought it would be. I lost sight of where I was going. I'm disappointed in myself that it has taken me so long to get back on the path.

I am a server. That is how I make money to live. I have been serving for 10 years exactly this year. I enjoy serving; I enjoy meeting people and shoot I sure do enjoy food! But, I don't want to be a server forever. It isn't the hardest of jobs to learn but it is hard on the body. My feet already have issues and being on them for 10+ hours at a time isn't ideal. I don't do much else because I'm so exhausted from running around all day at work.  Where has the time gone? Wasn't I supposed to be an attorney by now? Or SOMETHING?! Not just a........waitress. (insert sad face).

In January I was able to attend a devotional strictly for YSA by brother Randall L. Ridd. Here is the link to watch or read it. I highly recommend you do, even if you're not YSA. If you are feeling like you have lost sight of where you want(ed) to be in life, please read this. It helped me so much. I feel like I'm slowly getting back to the path that I needed to be on. I have often wondered what am I supposed to do. Where am I supposed to be. Can't anyone tell me? It used to be so easy, when I (thought) had my life figured out. Brother Ridd said,

It has been said that “the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why” you were born.² Because we have the gospel, we don’t have to spend our entire life trying to discover its purpose. Instead, we can focus on fulfilling that purpose.

I have found out most of the answer to my question. There are still a few holes, but I am finding the answers to those through my daily experiences with scripture study, prayer, and church attendance.
I got distracted with the world. I got so scared for real life, that I hid away in my life. I hid from church; I hid from God; I hid from others who could have been great friends. I got distracted being scared.  Brother Ridd also said this about being distracted, and I know I'm sooooooooooooooo guilty of this...(two hours wasted away watching Vine videos....I'm not proud)

How many times have you sat down at the computer to do homework or an assignment for work when suddenly up pops an ad for something that you had been shopping for recently? Then, as you are browsing the online stores, you notice that a few of your friends are online, so you begin chatting with them. Then you receive an alert that a friend has posted something on Facebook, and you just have to see what it is. Before you know it, you’ve lost valuable time and forgotten why you got on the computer in the first place. So many times we get distracted when we should have acted. Distractions rob you of time that could have been invested in doing good. The ability to focus helps us avoid distractions. 

 Focus is so important. Our focus in life is so important. As this test demonstrates, we typically find what we are looking for. Or, as the scriptures put it, “Seek, and ye shall find” (Luke 11:9).

I really enjoyed the challenge that Brother Ridd issued. He asks three questions, that we should ask ourselves when doing something. This goes for all aspects of our lives: dating, school, work, moving, church, family, etc. I'd like to share these here along with his testimony.

I would like you to ponder these three questions. I invite you to share your responses on social media, using #ldsdevo.

First: Can you do it? Is it possible for you to do these three small and simple things? Can you strive to keep your covenant to “always remember him” (D&C 20:77, 79)? Can you make time to pray with real intent and study the scriptures daily?

Second: Will it work? Do you really believe the Lord’s promise? Do you believe that the compounding effect of always having His Spirit with you will have a profound influence on all aspects of your life?

Finally: Is it worth it?

I testify that it is worth it and it makes all the difference. As you do these things, you will discover that the most important “why” behind everything you do is that you love the Lord and recognize His great love for you. May you each find great joy in your search for perfection and in understanding and doing His will. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.e. As you do these things, you will discover that the most important “why” behind everything you do is that you love the Lord and recognize His great love for you. May you each find great joy in your search for perfection and in understanding and doing His will. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I'd next like to share with you something from the Women's General Conference. It was so great, and I'm so truly grateful that we live in an age and time where we can get these wonderful messages to us over the television, radio, and computer. It's truly humbling to know that our Heavenly Father has blessed us with these great tools to better get to know Him and learn of Him and the restored church.
This talk was from Bonnie L. Oscarson. On the lds.org website there is a section devoted to questions that general conference talks have answered. I know that there were several talks that I feel were written just for me  and i'm so lucky  to know that my Father in Heaven hears my prayers and cares so deeply for me. However, I didn't see this talk until the other day...and once again my questions were answered and my soul comforted.

What if my life hasn’t turned out like I thought it would?
“May I point out something obvious? Life rarely goes exactly according to plan for anyone, and we are very aware that not all women are experiencing what the proclamation describes. It is still important to understand and teach the Lord’s pattern and strive for the realization of that pattern the best we can.“Each of us has a part to play in the plan, and each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord. We should remember that a loving Heavenly Father is aware of our righteous desires and will honor His promises that nothing will be withheld from those who faithfully keep their covenants."

Isn't this so comforting? To know that others not only are feeling this way, but that the Lord knows that we have been feeling this way? That He has given us answers and ways to continue on and have our questions answered and our pain released? We seem to always over complicate things. I know I do anyway. I shouldn't complicate things so much. But, I know that the Lord knows my heart. He knows my desires and he knows my sorrows. He knows what I need to know and learn in this world today, and He has sent me tools and ways to accomplish these things.

I bear with you my testimony of prayer. I testify that the power of personal prayer is real, and that the Lord hears you. He has answers for you and resources for you to know the answers you seek. I testify that God sent a prophet. I testify that Thomas S. Monson is the true pprophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and the things that we are told during Conference are things that we have been praying about, and that the Lord wants us to know. I hope that you can find the answers that you have been searching for.

Happy Sunday! <3

Keep Going

You know, I am continually surprised by how easy everything is not. I know that sounds silly, but it's true. It's something a long the lines of, "the grass is always greener on the other side."

Listening to Al Fox Carraway speak at events, and by reading her blog, I am comforted knowing that I am not the only one who is feeling this way.

At the Roots Tech event she spoke about her conversion to the LDS Church and the struggles that she went through AFTER her baptism. That peaked my interest. How could thing be MORE difficult after her baptism? Things are supposed to be easier after making the conscious decision to choose God and choose Jesus Christ.........aren't they?

No.
Without the bad, we cannot know the good. So, there will be struggles. There will be times that we are so confused and so upset and dealing with so much. But we need only ask God for help, and for the reminder that He has so much more planned for us that we can ever imagine.

I am soon to get my endowment.
I thought the process would take a while, months, maybe even a year. I thought I could talk to my bishop about it and then work towards it. I wasn't worried. I wasn't planning on going to the Temple for my endowment soon. I was excited to work and to learn more about my Gospel, and my Lord.
I was about to be very surprised.

I met with  my bishop and he interviewed me. During this interview, yes I was nervous. I didn't want to be told that I was a total mess and had to work a very long time to receive my endowment. But i was ready to be told to wait and to pray and to study and to attend a temple prep class. At the end of the interview questions, his response shocked me. He told me, "Okay McKel, I believe you are ready to go to the Temple."

I was shocked. So soon?? Was he sure??? Weren't there other things??? There had to be?! I was about ready to tell him I wasn't ready! No! Abort mission abort mission!!
I didn't abort. I felt a calm feeling come over me. I took a breath. I replied, "Wow. This is great."

I still feel like I need to abort sometimes. Like I need to stop. Because if I go through with this, I am making covenants and promises, and I am expected to keep them. It's like Spiderman: "With great power comes great responsibility." It's true. With the knowledge that I have and with my mission here on Earth, there will be MUCH opposition. There will be difficult times........some so hard I haven't even fathomed what they are going to be. But I won't know the good if I don't accept the bad. I won't grow into who I am supposed to be if I don't go through these trials. Satan is on a mission too. He is on a mission to convince each and everyone one of us that we are not worthy. That we are awful, bad people who aren't good enough, and should just give up. Those are all lies. Please don't listen to them.

I am nervous. I am afraid of disappointing myself and my Father. I doubt myself.
....But I am trying to doubt my doubts before I doubt my Faith. (President D. F. Uchtdorf, Gen. Conference 2013)

 
"Hard times will consistently be there. But.....so will Christ." -Al Fox Carraway, RootsTech


There is opposition in all things. And, it couldn't be that way. Good things don't just come and come and there be no bad things. Hard times will continuously and consistently  be there. I am now realizing that this is to remind us (I know this is especially true for me) that we can't  do it alone. We can't. God is there to help us and love us and guide us. He has given us so many amazing tools! Not only do we have the prophets of old, but we have modern prophets here now on this Earth today! They give us revelation almost daily! They have twitter accounts and tweet! (isn't that cool?!) I love looking on my phone and seeing words of inspiration and guidance there instantly from my prophet. Yes, MY prophet. And your prophet. We have scriptures that we can get ON OUR PHONES. It is so accessible now. We can carry theses ancient stories and precious words with us Everywhere we go, whether we are traveling overseas or just across the street. I urge and encourage you to take the time to read them! They even read to you! I love that feature. If I know I am running late or don't want to sit and read, I have them read to me from my app. We have the Ensign, New Era, Liahona. We have the Internet and lds.org, and mormon.org, and all of these great sites to help us, and answer our questions. Let us use these.

"Do not let giving up be an option." (Al Fox)
This helps me. This reminds me.

"Keep going. Even in the most confusing and darkest of times knowing that the greatest of blessings are already there, waiting for personally and individually YOU." -Al Fox

Forget not, why you are here.