Living with Real Intent when Life isn't What I Thought it Would Be

I know that my life most definitely hasn't turned out anything at all like I thought it would. But, thinking back on it, I'm not sure I ever had a clear plan after I turned 21.

When I was 8 years old, I decided that I wanted to be an attorney at law. Man, was I stoked about it! I loved going to the law office that my mom worked at and helping file or even better - using the shredder!!! Ha ha. I learned early on a lot about the law and how it works. I learned much about different types of law and different types of attorneys (and people for that matter). I loved everything about it.

In high school (go Wildcats! RHS woo!)I took AP History and AP Government so that I could get a jump start on my law career. I loved my classes and my teacher! (Mr. Player [yes that's his real name] you are a legend! Crab cakes!) I had decided then that my major in college would be Political Science. I still wanted to be an attorney, but they don't really have a "law" major. They kind of do, but that's more for people who want to go into things like becoming a policeman/correctional officer etc. At SUU (Go T-Birds!) I studied political science with an emphasis for international relations. I loved my French and Spanish and German classes too much to give those up completely. I had a great time. I learned so much and was all set!! I graduated one year early with a good GPA. I was set to go to law school!

So...why didn't I?
Five years later...I'm still not in law school. Yes, I do have my Bachelor's Degree of Science in Political Science (BS in PoliSci, ha ha!! That's funny) but I'm not an attorney.

And quite frankly I have no desire to go to law school anymore. I didn't take out any student loans for college, and I'm terrified to do so for law school. I also know that the first year of law school it's nearly impossible to have a job and complete your first year successfully. That scares me, because I am an adult and have rent and car payments and things that require me to work....so not working is pretty much not an option.

So, I'm bummed. I don't feel like I've accomplished much. I suppose I can go back to school later..if I want. I know many many attorneys that were teachers or paralegals before they went to law school, and they were quite older when they went. I could do that.

I guess what I'm getting at is: Life is not what I thought it would be. I lost sight of where I was going. I'm disappointed in myself that it has taken me so long to get back on the path.

I am a server. That is how I make money to live. I have been serving for 10 years exactly this year. I enjoy serving; I enjoy meeting people and shoot I sure do enjoy food! But, I don't want to be a server forever. It isn't the hardest of jobs to learn but it is hard on the body. My feet already have issues and being on them for 10+ hours at a time isn't ideal. I don't do much else because I'm so exhausted from running around all day at work.  Where has the time gone? Wasn't I supposed to be an attorney by now? Or SOMETHING?! Not just a........waitress. (insert sad face).

In January I was able to attend a devotional strictly for YSA by brother Randall L. Ridd. Here is the link to watch or read it. I highly recommend you do, even if you're not YSA. If you are feeling like you have lost sight of where you want(ed) to be in life, please read this. It helped me so much. I feel like I'm slowly getting back to the path that I needed to be on. I have often wondered what am I supposed to do. Where am I supposed to be. Can't anyone tell me? It used to be so easy, when I (thought) had my life figured out. Brother Ridd said,

It has been said that “the two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why” you were born.² Because we have the gospel, we don’t have to spend our entire life trying to discover its purpose. Instead, we can focus on fulfilling that purpose.

I have found out most of the answer to my question. There are still a few holes, but I am finding the answers to those through my daily experiences with scripture study, prayer, and church attendance.
I got distracted with the world. I got so scared for real life, that I hid away in my life. I hid from church; I hid from God; I hid from others who could have been great friends. I got distracted being scared.  Brother Ridd also said this about being distracted, and I know I'm sooooooooooooooo guilty of this...(two hours wasted away watching Vine videos....I'm not proud)

How many times have you sat down at the computer to do homework or an assignment for work when suddenly up pops an ad for something that you had been shopping for recently? Then, as you are browsing the online stores, you notice that a few of your friends are online, so you begin chatting with them. Then you receive an alert that a friend has posted something on Facebook, and you just have to see what it is. Before you know it, you’ve lost valuable time and forgotten why you got on the computer in the first place. So many times we get distracted when we should have acted. Distractions rob you of time that could have been invested in doing good. The ability to focus helps us avoid distractions. 

 Focus is so important. Our focus in life is so important. As this test demonstrates, we typically find what we are looking for. Or, as the scriptures put it, “Seek, and ye shall find” (Luke 11:9).

I really enjoyed the challenge that Brother Ridd issued. He asks three questions, that we should ask ourselves when doing something. This goes for all aspects of our lives: dating, school, work, moving, church, family, etc. I'd like to share these here along with his testimony.

I would like you to ponder these three questions. I invite you to share your responses on social media, using #ldsdevo.

First: Can you do it? Is it possible for you to do these three small and simple things? Can you strive to keep your covenant to “always remember him” (D&C 20:77, 79)? Can you make time to pray with real intent and study the scriptures daily?

Second: Will it work? Do you really believe the Lord’s promise? Do you believe that the compounding effect of always having His Spirit with you will have a profound influence on all aspects of your life?

Finally: Is it worth it?

I testify that it is worth it and it makes all the difference. As you do these things, you will discover that the most important “why” behind everything you do is that you love the Lord and recognize His great love for you. May you each find great joy in your search for perfection and in understanding and doing His will. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.e. As you do these things, you will discover that the most important “why” behind everything you do is that you love the Lord and recognize His great love for you. May you each find great joy in your search for perfection and in understanding and doing His will. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I'd next like to share with you something from the Women's General Conference. It was so great, and I'm so truly grateful that we live in an age and time where we can get these wonderful messages to us over the television, radio, and computer. It's truly humbling to know that our Heavenly Father has blessed us with these great tools to better get to know Him and learn of Him and the restored church.
This talk was from Bonnie L. Oscarson. On the lds.org website there is a section devoted to questions that general conference talks have answered. I know that there were several talks that I feel were written just for me  and i'm so lucky  to know that my Father in Heaven hears my prayers and cares so deeply for me. However, I didn't see this talk until the other day...and once again my questions were answered and my soul comforted.

What if my life hasn’t turned out like I thought it would?
“May I point out something obvious? Life rarely goes exactly according to plan for anyone, and we are very aware that not all women are experiencing what the proclamation describes. It is still important to understand and teach the Lord’s pattern and strive for the realization of that pattern the best we can.“Each of us has a part to play in the plan, and each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord. We should remember that a loving Heavenly Father is aware of our righteous desires and will honor His promises that nothing will be withheld from those who faithfully keep their covenants."

Isn't this so comforting? To know that others not only are feeling this way, but that the Lord knows that we have been feeling this way? That He has given us answers and ways to continue on and have our questions answered and our pain released? We seem to always over complicate things. I know I do anyway. I shouldn't complicate things so much. But, I know that the Lord knows my heart. He knows my desires and he knows my sorrows. He knows what I need to know and learn in this world today, and He has sent me tools and ways to accomplish these things.

I bear with you my testimony of prayer. I testify that the power of personal prayer is real, and that the Lord hears you. He has answers for you and resources for you to know the answers you seek. I testify that God sent a prophet. I testify that Thomas S. Monson is the true pprophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and the things that we are told during Conference are things that we have been praying about, and that the Lord wants us to know. I hope that you can find the answers that you have been searching for.

Happy Sunday! <3

Don't Give Up. Come back! :)

This is perfect for my post title!

Sorry it's been so long! How are you!? I missed you!! I hope all is well with you, and wherever you are at in the world.

I want to talk about a few things. Prayer. Perfection. Inviting others, and coming back yourself.

So, a few things first.
I was able to hang out with my super awesome cousin +Shyann McCoy a few weeks ago and that was super rad. I had a blast, and we went to her institute class together. I had a great time and was reminded that I need to go to my own institute classes. oops. Progression, right? There is always room to improve! Yay!

Okay. So life is super frustrating sometimes, right? I wish that it was easier. I wish that things could all fall into place....except that I don't wish that. I know that I say that I do and some days I do think it'd be really great if things could just work out perfectly. But then we wouldn't know the good times. I know that I wouldn't be able to learn about hard work, and the satisfaction of actually doing something myself. I love that we have the agency to do that!

I made some choices that have affected my temple attendance. I'm super bummed about it. I'm mostly disappointed in myself. I know that it happens. we aren't perfect. I'm for sure not perfect! Anyway, it's been about 3 weeks since I was able to attend the temple. I sure do feel a difference in my life and it's not something I am enjoying too much. I know that there are consequences in all things. In 2 Nephi 2:15, it says, "...it must needs be that there was an opposition; even the forbidden fruit in opposition to the tree of life; the one being sweet and the other bitter'. So Heavenly Father intended for this, so that we could know the great things from the bad things, and the light from the dark. He did this so we could have our agency and know that our choices do matter. So I get that. It's not always easy to appreciate this.
So, I've been pretty upset. Mad at myself. There's Lucifer whispering to me, 'You suck. Why did you even try? You know you're not good enough to be part of this church," and "You've already started going downhill, so why not keep going? It's too hard to go back." "You don't have to tell anyone. You can keep it a secret. Who cares." so on and so forth. I almost believed it.
But, thankfully I follow some LDS boards on Pinterest (my pinterest is here) and I came across this  cute picture.

Isn't that the greatest?!
I was pretty bitter, I'm not even going to pretend that I wasn't. But when I saw this, my heart softened. I have decided to be optimistic, and ready and willing to learn what I need to learn from this. It has been great! I have made the conscious decision to not be angry, and to learn from this, moreso that I ever thought that I would.

I think that failure and disappointing ourselves is hard. I think that we are hardest on ourselves, and we think that we have to internalize that. Especially with social Media now today. Everyone is sharing these wonderful pictures of their great successes and their super awesome lives, and we don't see the negative ness of it. No one wants to be negative and hear about it, right? I agree. However. it's hard not to compare yourself to others and their success's. Please don't. Don't compare your middle or beginning to someone Else's end. You are so great. I have to tell myself this daily. I'm 25 and not married and I live in Utah. Like, come on. I'm practically a spinster now!!! Ha ha, my prime years are past...just kidding! Thanks for letting me share my negative things here, and thanks for being a great support system for me. I hope that I can do the same for you, no matter what is going on in your life. Anyway! Keep going. Do your best. You are awesome. (This is my mantra).







Which brings me to prayer. You guys, prayer is the bombdotcom. Another picture I came across:

I have spent a lot of time wishing. I could have been praying! I know that God hears my prayers, and that he answers them.
Two weeks ago in church, a member of the stake presidency came to speak. He talked about praying for others. Yeah, I think that most of us pray for our families and for the missionaries, soldiers, etc. But there are so many others we can pray for. I have made it a point to make sure if I know someone is struggling, to pray for them. How many of us have been blessed by the prayers of our grandmothers and mothers? Countless! It's amazing. The power of prayer is real. It's also free. I encourage you to talk to your Father in Heaven. Let Him get to know you more. Talk to Him every day.
I wasn't good at steady prayers; to be honest I sucked. I'd pray like once a week. Now, it's the first thing I think of when I wake up! It's my first priority when I get to bed. It took me a while. I came back to church in October, and it's now March. It took constant reminders and nights and days of night praying. It took scripture study. You can do it!

 I read a really great article on LDS.Org about coming back to church.
I loved it. I am so glad I came back. It took me a few years. I came back a few times but never really stuck with it. I'm not sure what happened in October. I know I had a complete change of heart. I'm so glad I did. My life is very different but very much the same as it was. Maybe my life is the same but I am different. I am happy. I find happiness more than I did before. I love it. So, for those of you who have fallen away, I encourage you to come back. I hope you do. You are so welcome. I know that growing up in Utah and living in a community with so much hypocrisy and judgment is difficult. I grew up in it. I know what you feel, what you've felt and been through. It's not meant to be that way, and I am sorry that it has been that way. I encourage you to find the strength to come back. Richard G Scott gave a fantastic talk (click me!) about coming back. Please read it! Pray before you do. I pray for you. I pray for all of you to come back.

On that note, God did give us the agency, to do what we want. I just read this in regards to inviting others back to church. I have been a little bummed when those I do invite say, "Oh, I can't this Sunday" or "Sunday is my only day off" "that's too early" "I don't like reverse church" but! I won't stop. Not in an annoying way or to be a pest; just to remind them (you!) that there is always a seat available next to me and you are always always always welcome. i even bring snacks!! :D I am grateful for those friends who do come and have supported me and my choices.

I hope to see you all at church! Good luck with the week. Tuesdays are tough.